Decision on New Earth
by Marennaa
Summary: As Voyager returns, the two inhabitants of New Earth have to make a decision. Short and sweet. J/C


**Decision on New Earth**

_By Marenna_

He could not believe it! No, this was simply impossible! Yet, the expression of joy and astonishment in her eyes told him otherwise!

"Please Chakotay, tell me this is real" Kathryn eventually asked – almost pleaded – fearing it would be just another wonderful dream. "Does Voyager really return to fetch us from New Earth?"

"Yes." He answered plainly and one moment later she flung her arms around his neck in an embrace that expressed her bliss more than a thousand words could ever do. Although being a bit bewildered because of Kathryn's impulsive outbreak at first, Chakotay almost instantaneously returned the embrace drawing her even nearer to him.

"That's so wonderful" She murmured against his shoulder and sighed happily.

Chakotay held her and patted her back. Yet, he could not fully share her excitement. Of course, he was still missing Voyager after living 6 weeks on this planet, missed his work and friends. On the other hand life on New Earth offered new and completely different challenges, like building, that he vastly enjoyed.

Neglecting this, there was one special reason why he was so happy here – Kathryn. Her proximity. The knowledge of loving her and being loved in return. Only after they stranded on New Earth she started to indulge in her feelings and in him. Chakotay was dead sure that would change again once they returned to Voyager. Thus, Chakotay sighed as well and pressed her even tighter to him, conscious of every little spot of her body touching his own, soaking in the smell of her hair and the scent that was uniquely hers.

The rest of the day was spent in a joyful mood. Kathryn was extremely excited and only as exhaustion took its toll in the evening, she actually started to think about their fore-coming return to Voyager. Chakotay and her would share shifts on bridge, would discuss duty roasters, would dine together and… Yes, and what? Would they go back to their separate quarters afterwards or would they lie in each other's arms like on New Earth? That was the key question that troubled Kathryn so much during dinner that she did not even realise how silent she had fallen during the whole meal.

But Chakotay had and he knew what was going on in her mind. Why did she not talk to him and discuss the matter? Was it possible that she fell back into old habits already, making the decision for them both?

He cleared the table while she stared absent-minded into the wine glass. Kathryn did not notice him coming up behind her until he placed a hand on her shoulder while putting a gentle kiss on her cheek. God, how good it felt to be touched by him like that. Kathryn enjoyed the moment's shiver down her spine before turning her head and catching his lips with hers. Although their kissing became more and more passionate it could not distract Kathryn's mind completely. She loved Chakotay. She loved him so much. How should she ever stand another day knowing she would never feel one of his kisses anymore? Kathryn was not sure she would survive. Yet, what if they quarrelled – privately or over ship business? Could they really work together efficiently while being lovers as well? Surely, there were good reasons why Starfleet banned any intimate relationship between Captain and subordinates.

Again Chakotay noticed her unusual passiveness and found it was time not to beat around the bush any longer. "What's wrong, Kathryn?" He asked pulling back from her and looking into her dark blue eyes.

She returned his gaze and realised instinctively that she could not follow her first instinct denying anything being wrong. He read her like a book. He knew she was worried, so she decided to go for the truth. "I'm afraid, Chakotay."

"Why that?"

"Because we can't go on once we have returned to Voyager. There will be too many complications…"

Knowing Kathryn was on the verge of talking herself into something Chakotay interrupted her. "Nothing can divide us anymore Kathryn. We've crossed the border and no protocols or logic will be able to rebuild them."

She hesitated for a moment before she asked in an unusual shyness "You are sure?"

"But yes, of course." Chakotay answered without a moment's consideration. The simple fact that she asked at all frightened him horribly. "Do you doubt my feelings?"

"No." Kathryn did not doubt his feeling but her own. "But what.. if one's wrong?"

"You can't really mean…. You don't want to… Don't we even deserve a chance?"

"I don't know. I really don't know…" Very very weakly she shook her head. What was she, what were they, to do?

Chakotay did not reply. She looked at him, saw the pain and despair in his eyes – and infinite sadness. She wanted to cradle into his arm but did not dare to. Finally and without another word he turned and disappeared into his sleeping niche. Kathryn stayed behind still watching the spot where he had stood. Then she went to bed, too. But she did not sleep well.

Kathryn dreamt of chaos for a long time before she suddenly found herself on the terrace of her parents' house in Indiana. It was turning dark, yet still warm and she could smell the intense fragrance of ripe wheat fields in autumn. Kathryn looked around and found her father sitting in an easy chair only a very short distance to her right. He smiled a warm smile and looked troubled at the same time.

"Dad." Kathryn greeted him, surprised of the lack of surprise about his presence. After all, this was a dream, was it not?

"Kathryn, darling, why are you crying so many tears?"

She had not realised that she was crying at all. Embarrassed she wiped the wet traces from her face. Then, in an instant everything broke from her heart. "I'm so confused. I don't know what to do."

Her father nodded. He understood. He did not need explanations. "I've taught you a lot about science, Kathryn and let you learn about life for yourself. Now I see that in one respect this was not the wisest course of action. I'll tell you a very plain and simple principle."

Although his words might have been offensive to everyone else, his soft and warm voice and the honest concern audible in it, told Kathryn that her father only meant well and really offered advise and guidance.

"You must not deny your feelings. You must not deny love because it can bring you unbelievable joy. But if you're weak and bury yourself because you are afraid then it will cause great damage in your heart and soul. Two very dear people were taken away from you. Do not send away the third. Chakotay loves you. Deeply and honestly. Come what may, all your sorrows will be repaid by his loving eye on you. Believe me, darling."

While listening to her father Kathryn wept as she had not for years. It seemed as if she had done many things wrong. But the words also offered hope and this hope Kathryn clung to.

"Thank you, Dad." She whispered finally and embraced him tightly. The physical contact to him comforted and reassured her even further. Kathryn did not care that it was not real. It did not matter whether she dreamt, hallucinated or had a vision of her father.

Feeling much better, Kathryn woke in her bed. The chronometer showed that only a few minutes had passed. "Do not deny love" her father's advice had been. Deep down in her heart she knew she could never cope anymore without Chakotay in her life. She wanted him. Not just as First Officer and friend, but as a partner and lover.

He had looked so sad and hurt after dinner. Kathryn had to reassure him of her love. She needed to tell him. Now. Without any further ado Kathryn got up and approached Chakotay's sleeping alcove.

Chakotay was not able to find any sleep. He had been sure they had come around at last. As much as he wanted to see Voyager and its crew again, the timing could not have been worse. Working beside her every day he would die longing for her. She would not allow more than friendship and maybe some occasional flirting. Maybe she was able to suppress the memories of what they had. He could not. He would not. Yet, how should he bear her loss?

Although neither her steps nor breathing were inaudible Chakotay suddenly sensed her presence and turned around to face her. There she stood barefoot in that violet nightgown and eyes red from crying. Chakotay could not remember having her seen thus pitiful.

"I love you, Chakotay." She whispered and her posture changed. The fragile frame now appeared determined and strong as he knew her.

A wave of bliss and infinite relief was rushing over Chakotay. He closed his eyes for a second to fully take in this moment, then he sat up and patted on the place next to him. Following his silent invitation Kathryn came nearer and sat down as well. They locked their gazes before Chakotay kissed her, gently at first and then more and more passionate.

This was all the answer she needed. The decision was made.

The END

This was my first J/C fanfic in a long time. Hope you enjoyed it and tell me, if so. :-)


End file.
